Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta.....

My best friend is in her second semester of her freshman year at the university in town, and she's rushing a sorority.

I'm SOOO excited for her, the girls she's looking to become a part of seem to be really sweet girls, and she just gushes about them all the time. I know from my own experience in rushing, pledging, and joining a sorority, all the fun and excitement and the nervousness that she's feeling right now.

Here's the problem. I'm ridiculously, ridiculously jealous. Yes, I'm a part of my own sorority.. But, I joined in the fall of my freshman year, in 2006. I finished the school year at that school in 2007 and I never went back. I came home and have been going to school here. I mean, I'm still a sister, but I haven't been back in so long, and I was only there for 2 semesters. It sounds SO bad, but I joined what campus referred to as the fat girl sorority. They exaggerated, but Greeks are fucking mean. We had a few heavy girls, but they were beautiful to me, they were my sisters. We partied OCCASIONALLY, but we were the strictest on campus. We didn't do the same kinds of things that other sororities did, and I often look back on my time with them and feel as if I was jipped of my Greek experience. It's 2009 now. It's been AGES since I was active in my sorority. I only still talk to ONE of my sisters. ONE OF THEM. Shit, we were the only sorority on campus that prohibited their girls from being labeled Bigs and Littles!!!! To me, that's one of the biggest parts of the whole institution. Bigs and Littles, and we got our wrists slapped at the mention of it.

So here my friend is, having a grand old time having the kind of sorority life that I wish I had had. I want so badly to be happy for her, but I'm just so incredibly jealous, I don't know what to do. I want her to be able to talk to me about it, but it really hurts my heart to hear her so excited about it. It's like heartbreak, I swear.

I'm at the community college right now but I'll be transferring to her university next year. I want the sorority life I feel like I should have had. I still feel loyal to my sisterhood, and feel like maybe I should start my own chapter, but seriously that's a whole lot more responsibility than I think I could handle. But if I dissaffiliate from them, so I can join a DIFFERENT sorority, in hopes that I get the experience I wanted... I'll feel like a traitor.. I just don't know what to do.

I hope someone reads this, I really need some input!