A few different things here. I'm exhausted, and I really want to go to bed but I just put one of those mask things on my face, and it's still got like ten minutes. Let's see what I can accomplish before then.
I really don't like when people are terrified of the future to the point of not being able to talk about it. I can't gripe too much because I used to do exactly that. Rewind to junior and senior years in high school. Everyone started talking about college and I usually begged for a topic change. It really just stressed me out. But I got over it, you know? And I suppose the people I'm thinking about right now with this problem will get over it someday too, I just.. I don't know.
I asked a friend of mine what his plan B was. What if things didn't work out like he wanted them to, and he had to choose another path? He didn't want to talk about it, he said no offense. It's just, I guess I worry about him. I mean, I worry about all my friends of course. I just want them to be happy and successful. I think because I feel like my life is all out of whack, that maybe I can find some semblance of organization in other peoples lives. It just seems a little dramatic to me to be like, "Oh I don't know, and it terrifies me I don't want to talk about it." I just wonder, what, you have NO backup plan whatsoever? What if THIS happens? What if THAT happens? Nevermind, who am I to talk?
Tomorrow night is the Third Eye Blind concert. God, am I excited or what. I'm taking my sister with me, she's been a fan of them since SHE was in high school, like 8 years ago. I just got into them within the last year, thanks to The Ex, as we shall lovingly call him haha. I haven't spoken to or seen him since I last told him to stop contacting me, that I didn't want to see him anymore. (Makes sense huh haha.) The thing is, I know he's going to be there. It's going to be awkward if I run in to him. It's a big place, I really shouldn't. I've been doing really well since I finally took charge and told him basically to buzz off. But as much as I tell myself I won't look for him tomorrow, I know I will. Whatever though, you know? I've definitely moved on. He's not THAT person in my life anymore. I don't make myself crazy over it anymore. It's just a 'I wonder how he's doing now' kind of curiosity, and a 'Is he going to be with HER' curiosity. I might not be able to stop myself from publicly vomiting if she's there, I can't lie. It's not that she's hideous, I mean... Yeah, I feel like I'm more attractive than her, but that's not even what I'm talking about. It's more the sick feeling I get when I think about the fact that for a month of leading me to believe that he wanted me back he was still going home to her every night. Fuuuuckkeeedd upppp. But you know, that's just how he rolls. Heartbreakers, what can you do? MOVE THE FUCK ON, that's what. It's taken seven months, but I've done it. It's good.
American Idol tonight. Okay America, what the fuck. How could you POSSIBLY vote Syesha and Ramiele OVER Carly?? Carly is one of the best, if not THE best vocalist that competition has. I just don't get it. Some people just wouldn't know talent if it punched them in the face. Pisses me off.
That's all I've got right now, it's time to wash my face and go to bed.
PEACE!
ktg.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Sunday, March 9, 2008
A very disorganized rant.
We had a really great time together. That handful of months we spent together were something I used to wish could have lasted forever. But not anymore. I see what you've become, I see the girl you've dubbed worthy of your time... It just doesn't make any sense to me, how you could stoop to the levels you have. You're a professional time waster. A professional bullshitter. A professional dream crusher. A professional cop-out. A professional liar. A professional drug addict. A professional heart breaker.
I told you the other day, that I don't want us to be angry anymore, that when I see you on the streets, I'll be friendly. But I also told you that I didn't want to see you again. We tried being friends, but it didn't work. Maybe for you it did, not for me. Maybe you noticed that during this 'friend' stage, you were the one calling me, emailing me, IMing me. I didn't try to get in contact with you whatsoever. If you wanted to hang out, I said sure. I just don't know what the hell it is you wanted from me. You didn't want to BE with me.. You didn't want to love me anymore, but you did want to spend a chunk of your free time with me. I freaking spent the night on your couch one night. You have a girlfriend. Yet I hung out with you from 3 pm to 11 am the next morning. Why did that happen? If I was your girlfriend, I'd be PISSED if you had exes hanging out with you at ALL, let alone OVER NIGHT. Makes me wonder what you were doing when I WAS your girlfriend.
You wanted to have your cake and eat it too. You wanted all the benefits I came with, an easy going girl who knew you really well to talk to, get coffee with, stay up late with, who would listen to... Yet you just wanted to be friends. I told you the other night though... We can't be friends. I either wanted it all, or nothing at all from you. I've finally come to the realization that you will never change. You will always be that guy- that charming on the outside, fucked up mess on the inside who doesn't believe in love. There's nothing left I can do for you, so I have to go. My time is up. I tried so hard for you. I was so in love with you. You left me hanging, and now I just have to go. What you're doing with your life right now is the same thing my dad said I was doing with you. You're settling. You could have so much more, but you refuse to work for anything. I guess that's something I've learned from you. I've learned that I want the best for myself. You'll never get the best for you, you don't want to work for it. But I know now. I deserve the best, and it's not you.
I have officially moved on. Just so you know. I still hate seeing the pictures of you and her together; frankly, I think she's disgusting. I hate seeing you in those pictures pretending to be happy when I know for a fact that you're not. You're a professional poser too. And she's disgusting. That's what we call 'White Trash' my friend. Take some notes.
Moral of the story. I loved you. We had a great time. But to see the person you've become; I'm ashamed to have ever called you my own. You turned into a person I never could have ended up with. I've moved on. Bigger and better things are coming my way. And while I wish the best for you, I really don't ever want to see you again.
Good Riddance.
ktg.
I told you the other day, that I don't want us to be angry anymore, that when I see you on the streets, I'll be friendly. But I also told you that I didn't want to see you again. We tried being friends, but it didn't work. Maybe for you it did, not for me. Maybe you noticed that during this 'friend' stage, you were the one calling me, emailing me, IMing me. I didn't try to get in contact with you whatsoever. If you wanted to hang out, I said sure. I just don't know what the hell it is you wanted from me. You didn't want to BE with me.. You didn't want to love me anymore, but you did want to spend a chunk of your free time with me. I freaking spent the night on your couch one night. You have a girlfriend. Yet I hung out with you from 3 pm to 11 am the next morning. Why did that happen? If I was your girlfriend, I'd be PISSED if you had exes hanging out with you at ALL, let alone OVER NIGHT. Makes me wonder what you were doing when I WAS your girlfriend.
You wanted to have your cake and eat it too. You wanted all the benefits I came with, an easy going girl who knew you really well to talk to, get coffee with, stay up late with, who would listen to... Yet you just wanted to be friends. I told you the other night though... We can't be friends. I either wanted it all, or nothing at all from you. I've finally come to the realization that you will never change. You will always be that guy- that charming on the outside, fucked up mess on the inside who doesn't believe in love. There's nothing left I can do for you, so I have to go. My time is up. I tried so hard for you. I was so in love with you. You left me hanging, and now I just have to go. What you're doing with your life right now is the same thing my dad said I was doing with you. You're settling. You could have so much more, but you refuse to work for anything. I guess that's something I've learned from you. I've learned that I want the best for myself. You'll never get the best for you, you don't want to work for it. But I know now. I deserve the best, and it's not you.
I have officially moved on. Just so you know. I still hate seeing the pictures of you and her together; frankly, I think she's disgusting. I hate seeing you in those pictures pretending to be happy when I know for a fact that you're not. You're a professional poser too. And she's disgusting. That's what we call 'White Trash' my friend. Take some notes.
Moral of the story. I loved you. We had a great time. But to see the person you've become; I'm ashamed to have ever called you my own. You turned into a person I never could have ended up with. I've moved on. Bigger and better things are coming my way. And while I wish the best for you, I really don't ever want to see you again.
Good Riddance.
ktg.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
You, shook me all night long.
That's just the song I'm listening to haha.
It's been a relatively good day, I wish there was something for me to do now though. It's a Saturday morning and I woke up at 6:30 to be at the DMV. I got there at 7:40, the line was already wrapped around the building. They don't even open till 8! Anyways. I went in and was able to finally get my license all squared away. I then went to breakfast with an old friend, we had a good time. I went home, changed into my rainboots because it was raining, and then met Candice at the apartments so we could put in our application. We'll find out Monday or Tuesday if we've been approved! It's so exciting. I came home, took a three hour nap, and then stuck A Knight's Tale in. I love that movie. I'm still so sad that Heath Ledger passed. He was seriously an insanely talented actor, and the cinematic world, not at all unlike the rest of us, was not ready for him to be gone yet. God, he died in January, and it's already March. It's absurd how time flies.
I don't really have anything of any substance to write today...
I guess maybe I'll go up to the restaurant and get a bite to eat. By myself. Haha.
One hundred and eight days.
ktg.
It's been a relatively good day, I wish there was something for me to do now though. It's a Saturday morning and I woke up at 6:30 to be at the DMV. I got there at 7:40, the line was already wrapped around the building. They don't even open till 8! Anyways. I went in and was able to finally get my license all squared away. I then went to breakfast with an old friend, we had a good time. I went home, changed into my rainboots because it was raining, and then met Candice at the apartments so we could put in our application. We'll find out Monday or Tuesday if we've been approved! It's so exciting. I came home, took a three hour nap, and then stuck A Knight's Tale in. I love that movie. I'm still so sad that Heath Ledger passed. He was seriously an insanely talented actor, and the cinematic world, not at all unlike the rest of us, was not ready for him to be gone yet. God, he died in January, and it's already March. It's absurd how time flies.
I don't really have anything of any substance to write today...
I guess maybe I'll go up to the restaurant and get a bite to eat. By myself. Haha.
One hundred and eight days.
ktg.
Friday, March 7, 2008
I don't even know.
I hate scary movies. It's a fact. They just plain scare the shit out of me. I suppose I'd watch one if I had a cute boyfriend who was way into scary movies, and then I'd have to use it as an excuse to cuddle up during it... But other than that, I really don't like them. None of that "Saw" or "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" mess for me. No thank you.
There's an exception. True stories. I get a serious kick out of movies that are based on true stories! I totally love those books that are all about the serial killers and worst murderers of our time and things like that. Really weird, I'm aware. Anyways, movies like "Catch Me If You Can", "Erin Brokovich", "300"... All those 'Based on a true story' movies. I've never seen "The Exorcism of Emily Rose", but I'd like to. Kind of like "Exorcism" (which I have seen,) but based on a real girl.
ANYWAYS. I have a point. I was watching "Monster" last night for the first time. The one with Charlize Theron playing prostitute gone serial killer, Aileen Wuornos. Good freaking movie, but one thing really makes me think. This woman, yes she was freaking insane. Just insane. But the way she got to killing just bothers me. (duh, right?) She had gotten in this car with this strange man, and they drove to the middle of the woods so that she could, well, you know. So they're talking, and then he turns freaking psycho on her. He knocks her unconscious, ties her up, beats the crap out of her and rapes her a few times. And not always with HIM... If you get my drift. He was being seriously brutal about the whole thing. So, he goes to his trunk to get something, and she wriggle free of the ropes binding her in the car. She grabs the gun out of her purse and waits for him to come back. He walks back to the door and she just shoots him. He falls to the ground, and she keeps shooting him. She unLOADS those rounds right into the guy, and when she ran out of ammo she started beating him with the gun. He was so dead.
Here's where I think she went wrong. (Aside from becoming a prostitute at 13, of course.) She drags him further into a field, covers him up and leaves him there. She changes into some different clothes that she found in his car, cleans the mess out of his car, and drives off as if nothing happened. Right there is where she made the mistake. She SHOULD have gone straight to the Police and been like 'Look, this guy just raped and beat the hell out of me.' She would have the bruises, the cuts, the dna and the fresh blood to prove it. She could have told them this, and then told them that she shot him, and she would have been fine! Turns out that the guy had been previously convicted of violent rape a few times in the past, so I doubt the Police would have had a hard time believing her when she said she killed him in self defense.
Anyways. That pisses me off. Instead of telling the authorities what she did, (which was JUSTIFIED) she tried to cover it up. Because this guy messed with her head and violated her so intensely, she couldn't bring herself to work the street anymore. I mean, she DID, but right when it was time to 'get down to business' so to speak, she shot them instead. So yeah. Spent 12 years on Florida's death row and was executed in '02.
Woman could have gone free. But noooo.
That's all.
There's an exception. True stories. I get a serious kick out of movies that are based on true stories! I totally love those books that are all about the serial killers and worst murderers of our time and things like that. Really weird, I'm aware. Anyways, movies like "Catch Me If You Can", "Erin Brokovich", "300"... All those 'Based on a true story' movies. I've never seen "The Exorcism of Emily Rose", but I'd like to. Kind of like "Exorcism" (which I have seen,) but based on a real girl.
ANYWAYS. I have a point. I was watching "Monster" last night for the first time. The one with Charlize Theron playing prostitute gone serial killer, Aileen Wuornos. Good freaking movie, but one thing really makes me think. This woman, yes she was freaking insane. Just insane. But the way she got to killing just bothers me. (duh, right?) She had gotten in this car with this strange man, and they drove to the middle of the woods so that she could, well, you know. So they're talking, and then he turns freaking psycho on her. He knocks her unconscious, ties her up, beats the crap out of her and rapes her a few times. And not always with HIM... If you get my drift. He was being seriously brutal about the whole thing. So, he goes to his trunk to get something, and she wriggle free of the ropes binding her in the car. She grabs the gun out of her purse and waits for him to come back. He walks back to the door and she just shoots him. He falls to the ground, and she keeps shooting him. She unLOADS those rounds right into the guy, and when she ran out of ammo she started beating him with the gun. He was so dead.
Here's where I think she went wrong. (Aside from becoming a prostitute at 13, of course.) She drags him further into a field, covers him up and leaves him there. She changes into some different clothes that she found in his car, cleans the mess out of his car, and drives off as if nothing happened. Right there is where she made the mistake. She SHOULD have gone straight to the Police and been like 'Look, this guy just raped and beat the hell out of me.' She would have the bruises, the cuts, the dna and the fresh blood to prove it. She could have told them this, and then told them that she shot him, and she would have been fine! Turns out that the guy had been previously convicted of violent rape a few times in the past, so I doubt the Police would have had a hard time believing her when she said she killed him in self defense.
Anyways. That pisses me off. Instead of telling the authorities what she did, (which was JUSTIFIED) she tried to cover it up. Because this guy messed with her head and violated her so intensely, she couldn't bring herself to work the street anymore. I mean, she DID, but right when it was time to 'get down to business' so to speak, she shot them instead. So yeah. Spent 12 years on Florida's death row and was executed in '02.
Woman could have gone free. But noooo.
That's all.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Prove it.
A few of my friends have this new thing they like to do, it's sort of a threat. They get on MySpace, and then they post a bulletin saying something to the effect of, "I'm tired of being treated like dirt, I need friends who care about me, I'm weeding out the crappy ones... If you're my friend, PROVE IT TO ME."
Now, maybe it's just me, but I find that a tad insulting. Why should I have to prove myself to you? Why shouldn't it be YOU that's proving yourself to me? They make it sound like I'm not a good enough friend for them to just BE MY FRIEND without me having to jump through hoops to provide reasons why I'm a good friend. It doesn't at ALL make me want to reply to them and be like " Oh [insert name here], I'm so sorry I haven't made it obvious that I value our friendship... Here, to prove that I deserve to be your friend, let me take you out to dinner!!" No. Instead it makes me want to reply and be like, "Forget it. If I haven't proven myself to you over the years by simply being the best friend I could possibly be, by being there for you when you need someone to talk to, or you needed to be comforted... Or that time you were blitzed out of your mind and needed a ride, or that time your 'boyfriend' kicked you out AGAIN... Then it doesn't look like you'll ever truly value what I have to offer as a friend. Maybe you DO need new friends, go ahead and weed me out."
I just can't stand it. People who want to just sit back and have the friends come to them on their knees all the time. Freaking FORGET it. I've been through more in the past two years than a lot of twenty year olds could really even imagine... And if there's one thing I've learned, it's that I value MYSELF far too much to WAIT AROUND for people. I don't chase. I've had the relationships that have ended, and I've chased after them, and prodded at them for answers, validation, clarification, closure.. Never works out. It only really works for me if I sever a relationship cleanly as soon as I know it's over.
Never would I post something public telling the 'friends' in my life that they needed to prove themselves to me. I know who my friends are, and they show their friendship to me every day by just simply BEING my friends. I love them to the death, and they know who they are.
That's my gripe for today I guess. Got a lot of work to accomplish today, better get started.
ktg.
Now, maybe it's just me, but I find that a tad insulting. Why should I have to prove myself to you? Why shouldn't it be YOU that's proving yourself to me? They make it sound like I'm not a good enough friend for them to just BE MY FRIEND without me having to jump through hoops to provide reasons why I'm a good friend. It doesn't at ALL make me want to reply to them and be like " Oh [insert name here], I'm so sorry I haven't made it obvious that I value our friendship... Here, to prove that I deserve to be your friend, let me take you out to dinner!!" No. Instead it makes me want to reply and be like, "Forget it. If I haven't proven myself to you over the years by simply being the best friend I could possibly be, by being there for you when you need someone to talk to, or you needed to be comforted... Or that time you were blitzed out of your mind and needed a ride, or that time your 'boyfriend' kicked you out AGAIN... Then it doesn't look like you'll ever truly value what I have to offer as a friend. Maybe you DO need new friends, go ahead and weed me out."
I just can't stand it. People who want to just sit back and have the friends come to them on their knees all the time. Freaking FORGET it. I've been through more in the past two years than a lot of twenty year olds could really even imagine... And if there's one thing I've learned, it's that I value MYSELF far too much to WAIT AROUND for people. I don't chase. I've had the relationships that have ended, and I've chased after them, and prodded at them for answers, validation, clarification, closure.. Never works out. It only really works for me if I sever a relationship cleanly as soon as I know it's over.
Never would I post something public telling the 'friends' in my life that they needed to prove themselves to me. I know who my friends are, and they show their friendship to me every day by just simply BEING my friends. I love them to the death, and they know who they are.
That's my gripe for today I guess. Got a lot of work to accomplish today, better get started.
ktg.
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