Apologize to me, and mean it.

It’s April 9, 2008. This is not how I thought today would be, I have to be honest. Last summer, if you had asked me what I was going to be doing on April 9, 2008, I would have said that I would be celebrating my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. Alas, I am not. It is exactly one year ago today that he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I gleefully agreed. We had the best times, we really did. But when it was bad, it was bad. I think back through our relationship, and I can only come up with one statement.

I wish it had never happened.

I wish I had never decided to take it to the next level with him. Sure, I might not be the person that I am today, but honestly I would have been okay with that. What’s wrong with NOT being broken and scarred, cautious and scared? Because that’s what I am now. I used to have so much faith in love, but it’s gone away. I would love to be the person I was before he came along. I wouldn’t have had to go through the heartbreak that I did.

I’m doing fine, really I am. I’m talking to someone new, and he’s incredible. But there is no doubt that I am scarred. I am still broken, and I know this. I am over him; as in I’ve realized that I do not have the desire to be that woman in his life anymore. I don’t think about him every day anymore… But the wounds are still there, and though they fade, they fade slowly. I am forced to wonder if they’ll ever completely disappear.

Tomorrow is a new day.

ktg.