No balls.

That's all. I have been reminded WHY exactly it is that I don't bother with younger guys. Because they have NO cajones. None whatsoever.

I'll see if I can make this long story short.

Alan got into town last Wednesday. In fact, shortly after I wrote my last post, he showed up at my office! To surprise me. How freaking adorable. After I got back to work and he left, I had a much better afternoon. He picked me up that evening and we went and saw Hancock with some of his friends. (fantastic film, by the way. I saw it again last night haha.) We had a great time, we really did. We hit it off super well, and I so enjoyed his company. It felt like he was never gone. We held hands like little kids, and kissed at red lights. Cute. He dropped me off at home and that was that. I wouldn't see him the next day (thursday) because of family things he had to do. I understood completely.

Sooo Friday (4th of July) my family had a 4th of July party at the house. You know, pool, grill, family and friends. The way it's supposed to be done as far as I'm concerned. He was able to show up for an hour, but then had to leave again. We had fun while he was there though, had some grub, went swimming, he met my family.. All that good stuff. When he was leaving he told me that he didn't know what he was doing that eveing, that he might give me a call. Already a red flag, I don't like feeling like I'm supposed to wait around for some chump's phone call. Anyways. I ended up calling HIM at 10 that night to see if he was interested in going to the beach with me and some friends the next day. He was all in to it, and told me to call him in the morning. The morning comes. I called three times from 9am to 11am, no answer. I left messages asking to call me back, that I wanted to head out soon. Called him again at noon and left ANOTHER message telling him I was going to the beach, told him what street we were at in case he wanted to join, and to call me.

Hanging out at a girlfriend's house later, she urges me to call him one more time. It was 6:30ish, so I gave it a shot. No answer! Still! Left a snippy message, and he called back within the half hour. "Sorry, I didn't have my phone on me all day." ... Are you fucking serious? You were supposed to be expecting my call. We had plans. You can't just not have your phone on you. Besides, the boy has my number memorized, I know it, so why didn't he use ANY other phone in the world to tell me he was busy instead of just ditching me? No balls. He said that he was about to go hang out with a buddy, and that we should hang out the next day (sunday). I told him that I would not be calling him, that if he wanted to see me, he'd have to call me. He called Sunday at noon, but I was in the little girls room. As soon as I came out like a minute later, I called him back. Surprise, surprise. Voicemail. Told him I was sorry I missed his call, to call me back. That was Sunday.

SO THEN LAST NIGHT (WEDNESDAY) I caved, and called. He answered.

Alan: Hello?
Me: Hey, what are you doing?
Alan: I'm at the [local poolhall/bar] with some buddies.
Me: ALright, I'll let you go.
Alan: Actually, I wanted to talk to you a little bit.
Me: Yeah? No shit.
Alan: Yeah, I was just thinking, and I realized that I don't want another long distance relationship, but I don't want to just hookup either.
Me: (thinking; weird, because I don't recall ever even suggesting EITHER of those situations. Hmm.) [actually said= Well that's all well and good, but I hardly think that avoiding the situation like that is the best way to go about handling that, don't you think? It really makes you look like an immature little boy, you know that right?
Alan: Yeah, I know.. I'm sorry, I feel bad.
Me: Good, because you should. You made me feel like an asshole, okay?
Alan: Yeah, I'm really sorry.
Me: Okay. Peace out.


I didn't need this guy to be my boyfriend, I didn't need to hook up with him. I had been talking to him for the past 8 months, and I wanted to hang out with him. Had you seen the emails he was sending, you'd have thought he was halfway interested too! I'm just pissed that he really thought the best way to deal with it was to avoid me like the plague for days on end.

I realize that men have this pre-conceived notion that women are these delicate flowers that need to be taken care of, but get off it. I can take care of myself, and I'm not stupid. I'm actually pretty smart. I read "Maybe He's Just Not That Into You", I know the signs when they're presented. I knew Saturday when he told me he didn't have his phone on him that he wasn't interested. So where's the harm in saying, "You know, I'm just not feelin' it, and I think we should just stop before we start." I can handle it really. Instead, ya piss me off by avoiding it.

No balls.

Where are the real men in the world?


ktg.